


If You Cannot Be Good, Be Careful

by anotherbuskitten



Series: walls have ears [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Death Eater Lily Evans Potter, Death Eater Sirius Black, F/M, M/M, Multi, Short Chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:55:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 18,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24318433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherbuskitten/pseuds/anotherbuskitten
Summary: Sirius is in trouble. Lily is in over her head. James is just along for the ride.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Lily Evans Potter
Series: walls have ears [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755604
Comments: 12
Kudos: 76





	1. Sirius: Out of the Frying Pan

**Sirius**

Despite the rain and the wind and the still-present smell of blood from last night attack, Sirius thinks he’d rather be outside than standing with his colleagues listening to a rather uninspiring speech from Auror Crouch.

Sirius quite likes Barty Crouch, or is grateful to him, anyway, which was much the same thing in his book. James is his only real friend.

The other aurors in r20-2 certainly weren’t friends – they were very barely acquaintances. Occasionally, on the rare mission they went on, his ‘teammates’ would ignore or mislead him. He didn’t mind it so much; it had been like that in school as well.

He keeps one ear on the briefing/lecture and wonders what James would be doing at this moment.

James worked in St. Mungo’s and somehow managed to survive with even less spare time than Sirius was given. There were a number of people in every day with injuries caused by the war – which was what James was best at dealing with – but even more in lying about where their injuries came from on account of battle wound sounding better than the truth.

Those patients were good for a laugh over take-out in the evening but not much else.

James, of course, thought he could save them all. Whether from death eaters or their own stupidity didn’t matter to him.

And those nights were getting slimmer and slimmer as the work piled on.

Auror Moody walks into the room then, and Sirius mentally slates this evening as another failure. Moody was leading r20-2; the group of trainees, who as unsorted cadets had been picked out as potentials by Barty, because of the theory that being taught by the other trainer would squash any chances of favouritism.

Sirius, personally, didn’t think either Moody or Crouch was capable of favouritism. But then, most of the others thought that he should have been dropped after cadets.

He had a feeling he knew what was coming in this speech. He was dreading it.

Moody was a man with a lot of history and a big part of it was his time spent undercover. It had made him the man he was. No one left except Barty remembered what he’d been like before.

But these days he was a distinctive enough man even without his frequent yells of ‘CONSTANT VIGILANCE’. So it was the people under his instruction who were reliving it in his place. Talk was divided over whether they were reliving his glory days or his greatest failure.

Sirius fell on the latter side of the argument. He didn’t think Moody was the type to boast.

That said, Moody never missed a chance to let them know exactly how useless they were at infiltration. No auror had ever gotten past him.

Sirius was particularly terrible at disguises; his skills lay in mind magic (which Barty encouraged), and dark magic (which Moody said he was only to use with permission of an auror rank 5 or above. Which limited him to about six people that he knew of.

This meeting was, without a doubt, about last night’s attack. It had been a blood bath. Sirius swallowed to think about it.

The ministry floos had been cut off and there had been people – young recruits wanting to prove themselves – standing at the manual exits.

Most of the auror department were split into nine groups; four of which were a proven distraction, three genuine, and two as yet unproven either way.

There had been casualties in all of those groups as well. By the time Sirius’ group had reached the ministry (minus Halvbert and Simone) it had already been decided that their only orders were to survive and protect others.

With the aurors out of the way the Hit Wizards had been the first line of defence and their training lead more to heavy hitting than strategy in battle, and with so many civilians around no one could take the risk of damage spells. No one except the death eaters. Fourteen Hit Wizards were dead. Thirty more were in St. Mungo’s.

The bodies of the dead – more than just the Hit Wizards, although no other departments had such large holes in them – told gruesome stories. None of them had been murdered by anything as quick as _Avada Kedavra:_ this attack had been more about intimidation than decimation. Although both had been more than achieved.

Moody finally reached the point of his speech, which hadn’t actually been to let them know that their public perception was at an all-time low.

As soon as he mentions undercover work there’s subtle movement as a lot of people try to hide their annoyance.

Reluctantly, knowing that it would only increase the suspicion against him, Sirius raises his hand.

Moody stops speaking and nods at him.

“My brother graduated this September. If I tell them that I want to take his responsibilities, they’ll believe me.”

They would as well – or at least, the suspected inner circle made up of people Sirius had grown up with would. His father had never liked him to show too much of a personality to those below him, so all most of them knew about his was his fierce protective streak of Regulus.

Moody grunts but looks pleased – Sirius had been right that he would be first choice.

“Any of them know you’re an auror?”

“Probably.” Sirius shrugs. “They’ll keep me locked up for a bit I expect, just to see if anyone comes to get me out but – “

He hears a derisive snort come from his left, Blake maybe, or Idrill, and gestures at their direction. “It won’t take much to convince them that you’re all glad I’m gone.” He dares not to look at the crowd around him: while they hadn’t gone to any lengths to hide their dislike of him it had still been accepted that he wouldn’t say anything.

“I’ll make it sound worse than it is.” He wouldn’t have to bother actually. “And I’ll mention how we could have done more last night if we’d been able to use darker magic.” Though he certainly wasn’t about to say so here, the truth was that this was already Sirius’ opinion; there had been more than one brave – stupid – untrained worker who tried to help out and was felled almost at once that he had considered imperiusing back to the makeshift shelters and moderate safety. “They’ll go for it.” He says with confidence. “They want me on their side.”

“Why?” Someone mutters, Abel, Sirius guesses, again not bothering to turn away from Moody. Instead he answers as though the question was genuine.

“A lot of darker families have secrets that they only teach to the heirs.”

Sirius smiles, an unsettling sinister look that he’d picked up from his father. “Orion’s a traditionalist,” He explains. “Even after how much of a failure I turned out to be he won’t have told Regulus any of it.”

Sirius had done, but that was besides the point, and Regulus guarded his secrets almost as carefully as Sirius did.

“You’re sure they’ll take you?” Barty asks.

Sirius nods. “Yeah.”

“And you’re up for it?”

Sirius swallows. “Yes sir.” He thinks of the girl from yesterday – the one he couldn’t save but could have forced away, the one who looked about his brother’s age, the way a fireball had engulfed her mere seconds after she’d run out but not killed her, so that she was left with melting flesh for the minute longer she survived before being knocked back by the body of another dead Hit Wizard; his corpse being much too heavy to release her from where they fell before she suffocated.

“I’m sure.”


	2. Lily: Into the Fire

Lily adjusts her robes for what feels like the hundredth time. They were black robes: hotter and heavier than anything she’d worn since school, and done up in an old pureblood style that Lily didn’t think it was unfair to say had fallen out of fashion for a very good reason.

Of course, the main reason she was so fidgety was because she didn’t want to be here. She would take anything over this, from one of Professor Binns’ boring lectures to a stint in Azkaban.

She’s been afraid of dementors since she was 9 and Sev first told her about them. They were what her boggart had consistently turned into since her first encounter at 13. But even the thought of Azkaban’s infamous guards didn’t inspire as much fear as her current situation.

She was a Death Eater.

There.

She said it.

Her hands twitch again to fix her robes but this time Sev quickly grabs her wrist from beside her and hisses a warning. She slips her hand into his for security.

She’s actually been a Death Eater for over a year now, but it never got any easier to be summoned somewhere for a meeting.

She and Severus weren’t real Death Eaters yet, of course, and Lily held out hope that they would never reach that vaunted position. They’d hadn’t even met a member of the inner circle yet, let alone received a mission from The Dark Lord himself.

Thank _God_. Merlin. Voldemort. Fuck! She’s never been good at integrating into places. Hogwarts had proven that. Her and Severus against the world was what she was comfortable with.

At least Severus is here with her. She goes to squeeze his hand for comfort but before she can he pulls her tighter and moves forward. It looks as though something was finally happening.

They were quite near the back, both metaphorically and literally, and they couldn’t make much headway against the heavy throng jostling for a good position.

From the front of the room there was a trickle of laughter, followed by more, clearer and from more people. Lily saw a flash of red light and then a blue – white – red again – purple – orange until the whole room was spitting spells at a spot in the middle of the room.

Around her, the other Death Eaters start to spread out into a circle as though they’d fucking choreographed it.

As the group spreads out and thins, Lily finally sees the target of their spells: a boy, about her own age, gasping on the floor, already with blood covering his face.

She doesn’t recognise him or know why he’s so hated but in the interest of fitting in shoots one of Sev’s cutting curses at him. It lights up his back, spraying an arc of red across the floor.

Lily has to fight off her bile at the sight but Sev turns to grin at her appreciatively as he fires something off.

“Nice hit!” He whispers, just as someone else’s spell goes wide and hits a wall.

Lily almost manages a laugh but it catches as she meets the eyes of their prisoner. She can see enough now to recognise that he was wearing auror robes and for a moment the anger makes sense.

Then, without warning, she recognises the distinctive green of the killing curse and dodges to the side pulling Severus with her. He scowls at her. “No one’s aiming at us Lily. Don’t act so suspicious.”

“Sorry.” She whispers back, still shaking.

The green comes again but this time it _is_ aimed inwards at the Death Eaters. Lily instinctively looks towards the auror but he clearly doesn’t have a wand and doesn’t look as though he would be able to use one in this state anyhow.

Then a tall aristocratic woman stalks onto the open floor. With a thrill of terror Lily recognises her.

“No one is to kill him.” Bellatrix Lestrange says coldly. She reaches down to lift the boy up by the scruff of his neck. “None of you is worthy of that.”

“Good to see you too Bella.” The prisoner rasps sarcastically.

She drops him with a look of disgust. “And _you_ are not worthy of speaking to me.”

“Don’t kill him and try to leave his mind intact. Everything else is fair game.” She leaves with a twist of her wand that clearly puts him in a great deal of pain.

Lily takes the opportunity of this distraction to leave the room and be quietly sick in a nearby hydrangea bush.

It was funny; she’d almost gotten used to the sight of dead bodies by now, but active tortures still left her queasy. Not that funny really.

Early the next morning Lily heads back to the meeting house with some cold Chinese, and pokes around until she finds a cellar door. She wanders down the stairs as nonchalantly as she can manage in case anyone is keeping watch until she finds the boy forced into a standing position by magic. He grins rakishly at her.

He looks almost like he belongs amongst them; with that same aristocratic face that all of the inner circle have and a posture like he lives in a finishing school. The effect is rather ruined by the still open wounds and bruising covering every inch of skin.

“I was wondering what all that was about.” She says, and offers up some of the take-out in exchange. “With Madam Lestrange. I thought we killed all aurors.”

“I’m sure.” He shakes his head at the food. “I’m actually auditioning for a position here.”

Lily conjures up a chair to sit in to cover her surprise. “As a spy?”

He laughs. “No. I just made the mistake of not changing out of my robes before I went to find her. The aurors have let me go.”

“You mean you’ve been fired?”

“Yes.” He doesn’t seem inclined to offer up any more information.

“How do you know Madame Lestrange?” Lily asks, after waiting for a moment just in case.

“She’s my cousin.” He says blandly.

Lily chokes on her mouthful of noodles. She coughs for a bit as he watches impassively.

“Are you serious?” She asks once she’d recovered. She’d helped torture Bellatrix Lestrange’s cousin? That sounds a lot like a death sentence.

His lips twitch. “Don’t worry about it; as you may have noticed, we’re not particularly close.”

“Well you still seem like a better candidate for the job than for torture.”

He snickers at her. “She threw the first spell, if that’s any consolation. You aren’t going to be in trouble for joining in.”

Lily looks down at her feet, guiltily. “Why join up, if your own family hates you?”

“Well that’s why I joined the aurors. To rebel.”

“But it didn’t work out?”

“Nah. Turns out I’m about as moral as you’d expect from a Black. I was going to stick with it anyway, out of spite but I’m worried about how my brother will do here without any support. So here I am.”

“Oh, me too!” Lily blurts out before she can stop herself.

“Really?” He stretches the word out in disbelief.

“Sort of anyway. My sister…well.” She shuts up. Her history and her reasons for being here are not safe to share with anyone. “This will keep her safe. Me being here.”

He looks at her shrewdly but to her relief says nothing.

“Well, siblings. What wouldn’t we do for them?” He smiles, sadly.

She breathes out in relief. He doesn’t know. She’s safe.

Suddenly there’s a loud slam from above them: someone else has entered the cellar. Lily jumps up from her chair and looks around nervously. Hastily she vanishes both the chair and her now scattered meal.

A young boy, younger than either of them, strides into the room with a scowl and walks directly over to the prisoner without even glancing at Lily. With a snap of his wand he releases him from his invisible bounds.

The prisoner crumples to the ground immediately; clearly the magic had been the only reason he had stayed upright.

“Regulus.” He says dryly, and pushes himself up into a sitting position. Lily resists the urge to help him in favour of blending into the background. She should leave but she’s been almost relaxed for their conversation, and anyway she wants to know more.

“I can’t believe you’d do this Sirius!” The new boy – Regulus – says shrilly, “Wasn’t running away to live in the slums with a blood traitor dramatic enough for you? Why do you have to come and ruin my life as well?”

This must be the brother. Lily doesn’t think he wanted protection. But then, neither had Petunia, and she would probably be far angrier than this if she ever found out what Lily had done.

Sirius rolls his eyes. “Why not?” He says dryly. “Someone needs to look out for you.” He scowls at the floor as his wrist snaps under the pressure of sitting up. Lily winces in sympathy.

“I don’t need looking after.” Regulus snaps. “I am not a child!”

“You’re my brother!” Sirius snaps back.

Regulus sneers. “As though that’s ever meant anything to you before.”

Sirius’ face falls and when he speaks his voice has lost its previous bravado. “That’s not fair. You know I couldn’t have stayed.”

“The only reason they got like that is because of _you_ Sirius. If you’d just been a good son they’d never would have had to punish you.” Seeing that Sirius has no comeback for this, Regulus pushes on, “At least father will be pleased about this. He always said you’d come crawling back.”

“I didn’t go to him.” Sirius spits out.

“Same difference.” Regulus shrugs. “Did it happen the way he said it would? Did they need a scapegoat? It always was the only thing you were good for.”

“Were you there?” Sirius says desperately, “At the ministry? I looked for you.”

“Trying to kill me?” Regulus retorts, but even Lily can hear that he doesn’t really think that.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt from this stupid war.” Sirius says weakly.

“It isn’t stupid!” Regulus says. “Shouldn’t you at least pretend you believe in what we’re doing?”

“I do believe in it.” Sirius says flippantly, “I just thought that there was a better way.”

“Never thought I’d hear you admit you were wrong.” Regulus sneers, although his voice has lost some of its cruelty. “Just do whatever it is you’re here to do and stay out of my way, alright.”

He leaves, still scowling but now, to Lily, he looks baby-faced instead of dangerous. She wonders if she had looked so young when she’d joined up.

Sirius stares after him, not bothering to hide his longing.

“He doesn’t believe that you’re here for him.” Lily says softly.

“Hah.” Sirius laughs. “Yeah, Regulus is the only person in the world who thinks I’ve got the potential to do something important. He’s always thought I was better than I was. Probably thinks I’m spying for the aurors.”

Lily eyes him suspiciously, but can’t see whatever it is Regulus sees; she believes him, or at least she believes that he isn’t here to arrest or spy on them. She isn’t so sure that he cares if the Death Eaters win or not, only that his brother survives.

“You should probably go home.” Sirius says, “If you don’t want them to think you let me down.”

“Probably…” Lily says, “But I don’t mind staying, that way we can talk more and I can make sure you don’t escape.”

Sirius face softens. “I wouldn’t mind talking some more, but only if you’re sure. Trust me, I’m not going anywhere in this state.” He moves his leg a little and Lily sees for the first time that part of his bone is poking through a wound. “The other one’s broken too, I think, although not as badly.”

Lily winces, “Do you not know any healing spells?”

“None I can cast without a wand.”

Lily fingers her own wand and considers casting something small to help with the pain; she wants to but that’s probably a sign that she shouldn’t. She does cast an _augumenti_ to clean the wounds. After all, Bellatrix had said not to kill him.

As long as she didn’t let him leave she would probably get away with it.

The next morning Lily wakes up quite uncomfortably, for she’s fallen asleep on the stairs. She looks up but there are three Death Eaters with Sirius, interrogating him. From the looks of them she thinks they might be the Lestranges. Quietly, she crawls back up the stairs, mentally promising to come back as soon as it’s safe.

True to her word Lily comes back to visit Sirius whenever she can and while he’s always restrained in some way the protections do get fewer and fewer as time passes.

Sirius says that he won’t be released until The Dark Lord himself has been by, but Lily isn’t so sure that that won’t end in his death. None of the other recruits have needed to be checked over by Him personally, even if they were from old families.

At least, she assumes not; Lily tends not to talk about families if she can help it. If it ever does come up in conversation she tells them that she’s half-blood and waffles about how being half mudblood made her weaker.

Sirius’ cocksure attitude rubs off on her a little but she still worries about him. It’s nice to have a friend to chat to again since Severus has changed so much without her notice.

It started on the same night she met Sirius, when she noticed how thrilled he seemed to be to be torturing someone.

She had tried to put it down to his being pleased that they were involved but the thing of it was that as low as they were ranked they were by no means bystanders in the war. And Severus had always been more interested and involved in dark magic than she.

Sirius, while clearly also knowledgeable in that area, treated dark magic with the same lightness and irreverence that he did everything else when they talked. It’s been over a month now since they met now and Lily has come to the conclusion that everyone knows that she goes down there and she isn’t in any trouble for it. Not that that means she’s going to start flaunting her visits.

The only one who brings it up is Regulus, who stalks her down to the shop she part-times at, and while pretending he might buy some ingredients, tells her that she’d better not break Sirius’ heart.

“Enough people have dropped him when he gets too intense.” He says lowly.

“Like you?” Lily says pointedly, privately thinking that Regulus was the intense one here.

Regulus sneers at her, the expression fitting neatly on his face like it belongs there. “He’s the one who left, not me, no matter what he’s told you.”

“We have better things to talk about.” Lily says, as snobbily as she can. It’s a lie. Sirius talks about Regulus all the time, always with the same fond, sad expression on his face. She wants to talk about Tuney the same way but can’t risk letting slip that her sister doesn’t have magic.

Regulus ignores her snipe, though for a second there’s a flash of hurt in his eyes, “Just listen to me. He likes you. If you make him fall in love with you, you might both stay alive.”

Lily stares at him. “That’s ridiculous.” She says flatly.

Regulus sighs. “ _He_ isn’t going to believe that Sirius likes me this much for very long. And love is a weakness that makes people stay where they shouldn’t.”

Lily thinks this very unlikely. Sirius adores his brother; it’s the most obvious thing about him.

“And if you become a proper femme fatale you’ll be actually useful. For something other than mudblood propaganda.”

Lily wrinkles her forehead in confusion, but resolves to ask Sirius what that means later. “I’m not in love with Sirius.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“I thought you didn’t want me to hurt him.”

Regulus stares at her, unblinking, then drops his handful of lizard eyes and flees the shop.

Lily watches him go in confusion and then heads back to her position behind the till. Later, she wonders if this encounter was Regulus trying to be kind.

She ends up not telling Sirius about the meeting after all, even the part about propaganda, and just keeps things as they are.

Sometimes she does catch herself looking at Sirius as a prospective romance and blushing a little. Although, for a redhead, a little blush was still flamingly obvious. But if Sirius noticed, he was always kind enough not to say anything.

One evening, while she’s laughing at a particularly bad joke Sirius has just told, and trying to ignore how pretty his eyes were when he smiled, the trapdoor opens again.

That hadn’t happened since the first night so she steps away from him and wipes her smile away but really she thought it would just be Regulus again.

Instead The Dark Lord Himself walks in. Lily freezes and lowers herself to the ground. She might not ever have met him but she knows the proper procedure. To her relief though, he ignores her, and as soon as he’s in front of her she raises her head and watches.

Sirius has also knelt down and lowered his head. The Dark Lord chuckles slightly at the sight and pats his hair. “Good boy.” He says silkily. “Obedient. They told me otherwise but I did suspect it was just to cover up what they’d lost.”

Sirius says nothing.

The Dark Lord pets him again and waves his wand. Sirius shudders at the spell that passes over him, then, as though following some sort of script (perhaps Regulus warned him what he should do, or perhaps he’s just a good guesser) bends down even lower and kisses his robes.

“Very good. You may rise.”

Sirius stands somewhat shakily, keeping his head lowered as he tests how much weight he can put on each leg. Either someone healed them recently or he’s a very good actor, because he doesn’t have to lean on the wall like he did the last time he tried.

“You’ll make me such a good soldier one day.” The Dark Lord says, almost lovingly, placing one hand on Sirius’ back in ownership and leading him to the stairs.

But before they walk up The Dark Lord, without turning to her, gestures at Lily to come over.

She’s certain her walk is more unsteady than Sirius’ even without any broken legs but she comes over and repeats the robe kiss.

He lends her a hand to pull her up and puts a finger on her chin to make her look up. She swallows and averts her eyes.

“I can see why he likes you, yes. The younger one was right, you do know all the right moves. And I would like you to put them on someone for me. Would you do that for me Miss…Evans?” He says her name like it’s a secret.

“I – yes, yes, of course my Lord. Anything.” She cringes inwardly at how desperate and scared she sounds.

“Very good. His name’s James Potter. A healer. Bring him to me. Make sure he’s happy to come.”

Lily’s so pleased to see Him leave, even taking Sirius with Him, that she doesn’t notice Sirius react to the name.


	3. James: Besotted Pt. 1

James doesn’t like his life much at the moment. Work is going great – he’s up for a promotion actually, deputy head of the on-sight healers. The ones who would be summoned in a battle to assist the wounded. A few months before it would have excited him; mostly for the opportunity to see Sirius more but now, with Sirius gone, things are different.

Sirius hadn’t had time to say goodbye to James when he left but the morning when he got home James had found a letter explaining what was going on. Not being a fool, he’d burnt it, but he knows that he might never hear from Sirius again.

He might never hear if he dies.

James has always been in awe of Sirius, of how strong his convictions were, of how much he believed that people could be better. James believes one-hundred percent that Sirius is going to save the world one day. He shines so brightly.

James has been drawn to him since day one at school. He’d been so upset about missing his chance at Hogwarts because of some stupid policy they had on not taking students in who missed the express. It hadn’t even been James’ fault; he’d caught dragon pox! What was he supposed to do, infect everyone else? It had taken him time to decide that it was Hogwarts’ loss and Sirius had had a lot to do with that.

He was the best friend James could possibly have, and the best thing in his life. And if the pox had been any easier for the healers to deal with they would never have met and James would be bored and Sirius would probably be dead.

Sirius had tried to kill himself before, when they sixteen and he tried to drown after the summer and slit his wrists before the next one. But that didn’t matter because James had gotten to him in time.

But now he was worried that Sirius was trying a third time.

Sirius spends so much of his time around people who hate him that James worries he’ll forget how much James loves him.

And James knows, people don’t always want to be fixed. That you can patch them up and stitch them together and send them back into the world healthy and whole and they’ll be back with you in under a week. It’s infuriating.

James’ newest patient-slash-distraction was, frankly, a stunning woman. He feels bad for thinking that and for how good a distraction she is.

She’s in almost constantly, always with new, ridiculous injuries from her magnum opus: a new potion she’s working on. She won’t talk about what she’s doing or who she’s working for but she babbled a little when they first met about saving people.

James doesn’t understand, never has, how someone can keep going after failure and failure. He wonders while he fixes her up what she’s working on that she gets injured so often, what’s so important that she can’t leave it a second, wonders if she’s another beautiful person who’s going to save the world. He finishes healing the last of the abrasions and tells her she’s good to go.

“I’ll see you next time, Miss Evans.”

She smiles prettily at him as she goes.

One day she comes back only a few minutes later with coffee for him and he’s so pleased that he almost does something stupid.

When he gets his promotion and won’t be treating her anymore he gives her his floo address so that she can contact him on his off hours. Barely ever but he’s supposed to have a regular day off on Wednesdays, and that’s her best shot.

She smiles like it’s her job. She says that this is good idea especially as they’ve bonded and she isn’t sure she can let anyone else see her humiliation.

He wonders if he would’ve offered it if she weren’t so captivating. Then he puts it out of his mind because of course she’s never going to call a healer she barely knows.

So it’s a surprise when that’s exactly what happens.

In the green flames she looks breathless with excitement. “James! It’s good to see you again.” James laughs and kneels down so that they’re on an equal level.

“You sound surprised to see me. In my home.”

“I wasn’t sure that you’d be in. Look, I think I’m going to get somewhere with work today, but I’m probably going to injure myself in the process and I thought that if you weren’t busy you could maybe come over and watch out for me.”

She doesn’t twirl her hair or flutter her eyelashes but James feels butterflies explode in his stomach all the same.

“Y-yeah. That sounds fun. I’ll just put some equipment together.”

She smiles and pulls out of the fire. He stares at it for a long time, probably with a stupid look on his face. He’s so gone.


	4. Lily: Where There’s Love There is Never

She kissed Sirius yesterday. It was stupid.

He was right, there had never been any chance of them killing him, and now he was already above all of their group. Everyone hates him, obviously.

She thinks he looks beautiful in his new robes, without a single bruise or cut on his skin, and that being in charge suits him. She wonders if he’s taken the mark yet.

So she kissed him when the meeting was over, just quickly, chastely, when most of the others have left. He smiled at her and promised to come over when he was done today.

When she turned around she saw that Sev was one of the few who was left in the room. He turned a funny sick red colour when he saw her looking at him and stormed out.

She had considered running after him and saying something – she knows he hates Sirius but Sev is never around anymore. Why is she supposed to pause her life for him?

And now she has a date with the healer. The one she’s meant to be seducing. For The Dark Lord. Seriously.

It would be easier – or harder, or something – if he wasn’t so nice. And funny, and kind, and handsome, and patient, and clever. And just her type.

But it isn’t really a date. Well he doesn’t know it’s a date. But she does.

Which is why she made cupcakes (with Petunia’s recipe, the one she uses to make people think she’s only a silly girl with nothing in her head, and has it really been over three years since she saw her sister?) and puts on a nice dress, even though she’s going to be standing over a cauldron and the fumes will ruin it.

And she considers putting on lipstick. But lipstick makes her think of kissing. Makes her think of Sirius. Makes her wonder what he’d think of her for this.

If he’d say she was a slut. Sev would, she thinks, even if she is under orders.

Or if he’d think she was cheating on him. Even though it was only one kiss and he can do better and they aren’t anything except friends.

And she’s in love with him.

But he doesn’t know that.

Or maybe he does. She knows that his favourite thing to do is sneak into people’s minds and steal memories from them. Sometimes he leaves them untouched and sometimes he wipes them clean.

That’s what he does for the Dark Lord. They still hang out most evenings and he tells better stories than she does about work. She’s invited Sev over but he always turns her down. She doesn’t plan on asking again.

Sev hates Sirius _so_ much. Sev knows legilimancy as well and is very good at it but he’s stuck in the position of potioneer.

And half the time he shares that with her.

He resents her, she knows.

But no matter what she’s told James she isn’t going to crack this potion first. It’s only her secondary mission after all. Severus doesn’t have anything to fear. Neither, if he cares, does Sirius.

She puts the lipstick down.


	5. Sirius: Darkness

It annoys him to no end but it seems like Sirius has found his niche in being a terrorist.

Voldemort called him a prodigy just the other day. Which makes his skin crawl, and a little bit of him burn with pleasure. He hates himself so much.

He hasn’t killed anybody yet. Alastor had said when he started, that whatever he had to do would be stricken from his record. He wonders if he should believe him. He doesn’t.

Mostly he steals their minds. He tries to just erase the information he wants and leave them whole. Which the death eaters mock him for. But only in private because the dark lord agrees that it is less suspicious this way even if it does mean that they might become a repeat threat (annoyance. Voldemort never acknowledges that anyone is a threat to him).

Sirius thinks that the light might think the wiping is worse than killing if it came down to it.

But he’s –

Well. He’s good at this. (Just like his father always said he would be). He’d tried _so hard_ to prove them wrong, and even if, in his heart he knew that he was not one of them, it didn’t change the fact that Orion had been right about him all along.

He feels sick. But that’s pretty much a constant these days.

The only good thing in his life at the moment is Lily and even that is bittersweet. He knows that she doesn’t really believe in any of this but he also knows that that won’t mean he hasn’t been lying to her all along and it won’t mean that he won’t betray her one day.

He thinks that he might be falling in love with her. He isn’t certain, and he’d never thought he would but he looks forward to seeing her even when they’re together and he feels a warmth he’s only ever felt around James before when they’re together.

It isn’t only Lily that will make leaving hard though; there’s also the matter of Regulus. Them being on, ostensibly, the same side hasn’t warmed his brother too him any, but Sirius knows that if he is found out as a traitor suspicion will fall on Regulus.

He knew that going in, as well, but he hadn’t expected it to hurt so much. It’s funny, but he’d really thought he could leave them behind forever when he ran away.

And of course, there’s the whole Lily-is-seducing-James-for-Voldemort problem. Sirius doesn’t know what Voldemort wants with James or why, when he must know that they’re friends, he’s sending Lily to do it.

Perhaps it’s a test for one of them, or both. Or maybe it really is something to do with love and attraction. Sirius can admit that he probably wouldn’t be able to ask James to join, and James knows that he’s lying about being done with the aurors, and James isn’t a good liar. Sometime soon, this is all going to go wrong.

He also hasn’t told Lily that he’s friends with James, or even that he knows him. He should, he knows. But he likes Lily and Lily likes him and she won’t like having to hurt him.

He can’t ask her to betray Voldemort. No matter her blood status, or her reasons for being here, he can’t ask her to put herself in that much danger for him.

Whatever she chooses, she should be allowed to make that choice herself.


	6. Lily: A Bad Excuse

She’s on her fourth date with James (or fifth if you count her making a potion while he watched, which she suspected he did) and she’s in his flat. He’d invited her in last time but she’d declined because she had a meeting (or because she didn’t want to be a cliché, which is what she had told James after a long kiss) so this time she’d turned up early to pick him up. He’d been surprised but pleased to see her earlier than they’d arranged and had let her in to wait while he finished some things and cleaned himself up.

It had all been going wonderfully and now Lily had ruined it. She could very easily cover it up and go about the date like usual but she didn’t want to.

James comes into the room still towelling off his hair and grins at her. She could very easily fall in love with him, she sometimes thinks.

He notices her expression and his own face falls. “Are you alright? Lily?”

“I – yeah. I was just looking at your photos.” She gestures at the mantle. “What sort of uniform is that?”

He looks to see which photo she’s pointing at and laughs a little. “Oh, Amgem’s; it’s the top school for people who didn’t get into Hogwarts.” He sounds fond. “My parents took that when I graduated.”

“I thought Hogwarts was the only magical school in the UK.” Lily says, still staring at the photo.

James nods. “So did I until I missed the train.”

“Who’s your friend?” She asks, hopefully in a more casual tone than she feels.

“That’s Sirius. We were practically brothers by the time we graduated. He’s usually my roommate actually.” His voice gets that happy quality that people get when they talk about something they really love. Lily tucks her hand into her pocket so that he can’t see how much it’s shaking.

“Usually?”

“Yeah, he’s got a – a family emergency at the moment. He’ll be back any day now. I bet you’ll like him.”

 _I bet I will._ Lily thinks furiously as she takes James’ arm and leaves the flat. So James and Sirius know each other. She supposes she shouldn’t be too angry at Sirius for not telling her that this is a test and not a true job.

She still is though. It smarts that this whole time she’s been getting closer to James the two of them have been laughing at her.

Except…that doesn’t make sense. If James is already a Death Eater with Sirius, then why had Sirius been tortured when he first arrived. Could James not know that his best friend was a Death Eater? But that was silly. How could he not know? He must know better than to think that Sirius was with his parents – Lily knew better and she’d only known him a couple of months. James had said they were brothers, but he wasn’t acting like he was scared for Sirius’ life, which surely he would be if he knew what was going on.

Lily calls off the date early, unable to focus on James at the moment. She’s never been to Sirius’ house before but she had the address. She heads over and knocks on his door.

“Lily?” He sounds surprised to see her. “No don’t –” He yelps as she pushes past him.

Lily tosses her coat on the stairs and stalks into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water. She thinks she might recognise the man on his sofa from Hogwarts.

“This the girlfriend, eh?” The stranger says jokily, as Sirius comes back through.

He looks between them, then quick as a whip flicks his wand at the stranger and stuns him. Lily supposes she’s pleased that he picked her.

“Will you get in trouble for that?”

“I’ll tell him you threw something and knocked him out.” Sirius shrugs. “I’ve told worse lies and gotten away with it.”

Lily scowls. “Like having a family emergency?” She asks bitterly.

Sirius doesn’t seem to catch her tone. He laughs. “I don’t think I’ve used that since I was thirteen. That’s when my teachers met my parents. Really took the wind out of the thing. What’s going on Lily? Why are you here?”

Lily glares at him but he seems genuinely confused. “Who’s James Potter Sirius?”

Sirius’ eyes widen and he sinks down onto the sofa next to his victim. He licks his lips. “He’s the man the Dark Lord wants you to seduce, right?”

“Don’t play games.” She snaps. “You know him. He’s your _best friend!”_

Sirius nods slowly. “Yes, he is. Are you angry with me?”

“Am I – of course I’m bloody angry Sirius.” To her horror, Lily thinks she might start crying; Sirius is all she has at the moment and she just couldn’t take it if he turned out to be lying to her.

“I’ve known James Potter since I was eleven.” Sirius says slowly, he gestures for her to sit on a chair and when she does, carries on. “We both went to the same school and became fast friends; Amgem’s housed about fifty students at its peak, I’d say, so we didn’t have much choice in the matter. If he hadn’t gotten dragon pox the week before September started, we never would have met and he’s told me before that that’s part of the reason he became a healer.

I only wish that James was the most important thing in my life. But I think that that’s the war these days. And I haven’t seen James in months.”

“Since you joined…” Lily says. “I don’t understand. Why did you join?”

Sirius shakes his head. “I really _am_ worried about Regulus.” He doesn’t say anything else.

Lily nods. “I know that. But you should be worried about James as well. He misses you, enough to throw himself at the first girl who comes along.”

Sirius meets her eyes. “You’re easy to fall in love with.”

Lily bites her lip. “James isn’t a Death Eater, is he?”

Sirius looks shocked, as though he hadn’t worked out what she was thinking. Like the idea could never have occurred to him. She’s met James. She understands.

“No. Never.”

“Never?” Lily smirks. “Not if I do my job right.”

Sirius looks queasy.

“I don’t want to Sirius. I don’t want to make him one of us. I don’t want…”

“I’m an auror.” Sirius says suddenly.

“…WHAT?”


	7. Sirius: Is Better Than None

Well. He’s cocked that one up. He could take it from her mind, course, but he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to hurt her in any way.

“Sorry!” Lily says, shooting a look towards Sirius’ unconscious guest as though she thinks he might wake up.

Sirius levitates him through to the hallway and shuts the door.

“I –

“You mean you were an Auror, right?” Lily says shakily. “And you haven’t told James that you were fired because you don’t want to tell him the truth.” By the end of her sentence she sounds almost sure but her hands are still shaking on the chair’s arms. As if sensing his thoughts, she places them firmly on her legs.

“I wasn’t fired.”

“So you quit, and you’ve told everyone you were fired because you don’t want to be a spy.”

Sirius winces. He had told her, early on in their acquaintance, while he’d still been a prisoner, that he didn’t want to be a spy. That he hated lying to people.

That was true. But it had been a lie, still.

“I probably will quit. I think. When the war is over.”

“Have you read my mind?” Lily asks quietly. “You shouldn’t be telling me this.”

“I don’t want to lie to you.”

Lily raises an eyebrow at him and purses her lips.

He looks at the floor in shame.

“Well.” She says. “Have you?”

It takes him a moment to remember the question. “Once. When we first met, but only the surface. I did it to everyone who came down.”

“That’s pretty stupid, if the rest of what you’ve said is true.”

Sirius shrugs, although she’s right. “You were scared, but curious. You aren’t afraid of dying and you wish you’d tried to save your sister some other way. That’s pretty much all I got but I’ve learnt all the same things just being your friend.”

Lily’s face hardens.

“I am your friend.” He says quickly. “I know that our friendship is built on the lie that we think purebloods are superior and we like killing muggles but we are friends.”

Lily laughs. “Your brother told me I was propaganda once. Does anyone not know?”

“Only other occlumens’ or people who grew up with Nature’s Nobility as bedtime stories.” Sirius rolls his eyes.

“He knows.”

“I think he thinks it’s funny. And he’s quite good at occlumancy himself.”

“Quite good.” She mocks. “You’re so arrogant.”

Sirius laughs. He feels lighter for having told her, but heavier for it as well.

“I’d say I should have told you but your friend Severus is also accomplished and he hates me.”

“Have you read him?”

“I don’t need to read him to know he hates me. He isn’t hiding it.”

“I suppose. But have you?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t read people who try to read me. It’s too easy to reverse the spell, better I focus on defence.”

“Has he got in?” She sounds scared. He feels quite pleased for it; it beats at him from somewhere below his ribs.

“Not yet.”

“He taught me a bit, once. Less than you did though. Do you think he reads me sometimes?”

Sirius shrugs. He thinks that Snape probably does but he doesn’t want to make Lily angry with him again. Still, no more lies.

“Yeah, probably. It can be addictive, like all dark magic. Especially if you’re good at it.” Sirius doesn’t like Severus Snape but he can’t help but admire his skill at legilimancy. He’s probably better than Sirius himself is, except he lacks imagination.

“Is it dark?” Lily looks alarmed. “I thought it was…neutral I guess.”

“Occlumancy is neutral, don’t worry. I mean, I think, I’m not an authority or anything.” He risks grinning at her and to his pleasure she smiles back. “You shouldn’t ever have to use legilimancy if you don’t want to.”

“Especially if I stick with you.”

“Yeah.” Sirius says breathlessly, struck by how much he loves her in this moment. He never thought he had the capacity to love more than just James and Regulus.


	8. Lily: A Friend In Need, A Friend Indeed

Sometimes Lily sees people she recognises in amongst the sea of black cloaks at meetings. Not just the people everyone expected to become Death Eaters like Severus’s Slytherin friends but other too, like David Something, who’d been a Hufflepuff prefect in her first year and found her crying once. Or her old classmate Peter who she always paired with in transfiguration. Or Professor Sternson, one of a string of terrible defence against the dark arts teachers.

She wonders if theses familiar strangers can pick her out of the crowd too, or if she’s changed too much in becoming an adult. She prays that they can’t; too many people already know her blood status.

And then sometimes, she recognises people in less pleasant situations.

Like right now, sitting next to Sirius as he interrogates little Mary Macdonald, who she had once scolded Severus for hurting.

Mary most definitely recognised her.

It wasn’t that Lily didn’t think she deserved the hatred burning in Mary’s eyes it was only that it hurt to look at and if there was one thing this war had taught her it was just how easy it was to be a coward.

“Do you want to go upstairs?” Sirius says quietly. “No one will mind if you skip this part.”

It was true; there was something otherworldly about Sirius’ visits to other people’s minds and very few of the death eaters liked to watch it. It didn’t usually bother Lily though.

She shakes her head. “I’m fine. Be quick though, there’s three more upstairs.”

“You can’t rush art.” Sirius jokes, not looking at her, but back at Mary.

“This isn’t art though.” Lily manages a small, sick smile. “This is you not doing any actual work.”

Sirius huffs a little, and then he’s gone.

He’s at his most vulnerable in these moments; while he’s perfectly capable of multitasking it, Lily knows he prefers to take his time and put his full attention towards the captive, even when it doesn’t ultimately matter – because Mary is already as good as dead, even if her mind stays whole until the end.

Sirius comes out of Mary’s mind looking a little irritated. It doesn’t take much to work out why.

“Another one of Dumbledore’s?” Lily asks.

Sirius nods. Possibly because he hadn’t gone to Hogwarts, Sirius didn’t get the hype behind Albus Dumbledore and couldn’t understand why many perfectly sane civilians would throw themselves onto battlefields at his word. At least the death eaters have the excuse of being mental and the ability to use the unforgivables.

Really, Lily thinks that he’s annoyed on behalf of the aurors, whose lives are certainly being made harder by having to protect the order of the phoenix instead of catching death eaters.

“Stupid girl.” Sirius mutters, turning and striding towards the stairs.

Lily shoots an apologetic look at Mary, and tries not to think about what she’ll look like dead, before she follows him.

When they get out of the cellar they, or more precisely, Sirius, are immediately set upon by Bellatrix Lestrange.

“You don’t have to take hours on every prisoner.” She hisses at him, dragging him over to the pile of bodies being guarded by her bored looking husband and, for some reason, Severus.

Lily avoids meeting anyone’s eyes. She doesn’t want to have to talk to Severus, who she hasn’t seen for several weeks, and she certainly doesn’t want to look at the other order members and recognise anyone else. Dumbledore seems to recruit largely from her age group.

With a long-suffering sigh, Sirius squats down by the prisoners and tilts the first one’s face up to meet his own.

He finishes up quite quickly and moves on, but when he finishes the last one he looks wild. He stands up, still with one hand on the man’s throat; pulling him into a kneeling position. Lily catches sight of another familiar face and looks away.

“I want to keep this one.” Sirius says. Lily turns to gape at him.

Bellatrix, it seems, feels a similar way. “You want to what?”

“Keep him.” Sirius says fondly. “Not forever, just until I’ve finished studying him.”

“Studying what?” Mr Lestrange says. It’s the first time Lily’s ever heard him speak.

“He’s a werewolf; his mind’s structured differently to a normal person’s.” Sirius’ voice is plain in his excitement but Lily can see the little bursts of passion in his eyes. “I’ve never had one before.”

“You can ask the Dark Lord yourself.” Bellatrix says, waving him off. “Go now and I’ll make sure no one kills him.”

Sirius drops the prisoner – Remus – without a seconds thought and leaves, tossing a wink to Lily. She blushes a little, but noticeably. Bellatrix leaves with a look of disdain.

Lestrange grabs the legs of a prisoner and hauls him over to the trapdoor. “Grab one and get them down.” He orders them as he vanishes.

Severus gets to Remus first, with a slightly challenging look, and Lily is left with the last one, a terrified girl who’s clearly vomited sometime over the course of her capture. She sighs and imperiuses her into walking. It’s easier than trying to carry her.

She drops the spell once the girl has walked down the stairs and conjures a wisp of magic to hold her in place. There’s only one cell down here and Mary is already inside it.

As an afterthought, Lily silences the girl. Lestrange gives her an approving look.

“Lily.” Remus croaks from under Severus’ rather too harsh holding spells. Lily freezes. “Ple-

“Shut him up.” Lestrange orders Severus. “You know him?”

Lily nods. “We were at school together.” Lestrange scares her, possibly even more so than his wife.

“Huh.” He leaves without another word. Lily lets out a small sigh of relief.

“Lily!” Severus calls out as she makes towards the stairs. “Hold on.”

He knocks Remus out and hurries over to her.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. You spend all your time with Black.”

Lily gives him a tight smile. “It’s just your imagination. I’ve just been working hard.”

“We used to work together, remember?” He says petulantly. Lily tries not to roll her eyes.

“I’ve got a different assignment at the moment. Not the potion.”

Severus’ eye’s flash with hatred. “Right. Because a mudblood’s going to get special missions. At least come up with a good lie next time Lily. I’m the only reason you’re still alive.”

Lily stares after him as he storms up the stairs, wide-eyed and hurt.

“He’s right.” Mary says quietly. Lily starts; she had almost forgotten that there were people here with them. She turns to look at Mary. “You’re muggleborn. You’re nothing to anyone here.”

Lily bites her lip to keep from saying anything and leaves. She decides not to attend tonight’s entertainment.


	9. James: Besotted Pt. 2

James slides the picture of his and Sirius’ graduation out of its frame and stares at it. Merlin, he misses his best friend. It’s started to get weird, actually, just how much he misses him. On his last date with Lily she’d done things – nothings really – a small move of her arm to grab her drink, a quick smile at a bad joke, the way she waved goodbye, that made him, just for a second, see Sirius in her place.

He was such a bad date. She deserved better. He grins down at the smiling boys in the photo. They’ve got their whole lives ahead of them.


	10. Sirius: Hard Work

Talking to Voldemort is, hands down, the worst part of his job.

It hadn’t taken too long to convince him of his loyalty. Sirius knows that if he’d come from any other family he’d probably still be in that stage of the con. He is glad he’d come and not one of the others. He isn’t sure they would still be alive.

He tries not to think of his old colleagues very often. It makes it harder to keep in character.

The role of death eater gets easier with every day, every spell, every corpse.

Voldemort makes him work for his request, even though he agrees to it – mentally – almost at once. He doesn’t care about the prisoners nearly as much as he cares about making sure his servants fear him.

Sirius tries to avoid the temptation to read Voldemort. He knows that if he does it too often he’ll get caught and killed.

Well, hopefully he’d be killed.

But when it’s just the two of them in a room, he’s less reserved. Voldemort likes too well knowing that Sirius is his pet to think of him as a threat. Among others he must be fearsome or else he is not worthy of his position. Alone is different.

Sirius wonders if it’s the same for the other death eaters who have regular meetings with him, or if he’s only being punished for taking so long to join up.

Sirius lets his fear show as Voldemort runs a long finger across his cheek. It’s a tactic Sirius has used himself to unsettle prisoners – being manhandled like a toy is unsettling, and subtler than a spell to the same effect. It aggrieves him that it works so well here.

“Why do you want a pet?” Voldemort asks suddenly, and Sirius struggles to regain his senses to answer. It feels a touch like drowning, being in the room with him.

“I want to study his mind, master. It’s different to anything I’ve felt before.”

“In what way?”

“It’s hard to explain. It’s like he’s struggling against himself except there’s nothing to struggle against. Most of his thoughts ran along the track of reminding himself that he’s human but there’s nothing in there except bad memories telling him otherwise.”

“It isn’t human.” Voldemort hisses. Sirius shudders.

“No master, of course not. But it’s mind…” He trails off; he really doesn’t know how best to explain it. “Animals tend to think in feelings; there’s no real process to it. His – it’s – mind should be like that but it’s like it’s mad. Feral. If he hadn’t been thinking about it so hard I might not have known that he’s a werewolf. I wasn’t looking at his life.” He allows contempt at the werewolf to filter into his voice.

“Could it be useful? Will it distract you?”

“No master. My focus will always be on your desires.” That was probably laying it on a bit thick, Sirius grimaces. “If I can find quick pathways in its head I can use the same ones to soften Greyback.”

“What do you know about Greyback?” He hisses and Sirius feels an unfamiliar spell hit him. He shudders, and tries to pull back from it, but only succeeds in falling over.

Voldemort gives a small chuckle at the sight. “Well?” He asks again, using his magic to nudge Sirius into looking up at him.

“Rabastan’s working with him.” Sirius says sluggishly, still trying without moving to flee from Voldemort’s spell. “He’s not cooperating.”

“I suggest you take your dog before the festivities begin.”

Sirius bends to kiss his robes and, as soon as he can, leaves.

Outside the door he fixes himself up into something less resembling of a cowed dog and, scowling, strides towards the nearest exit so that he can return to Heathleton.

He’s too late to stop the show, however; time always seems to pass differently in Voldemort’s presence.

He makes his way over to where the Lestranges are standing, not leading the proceedings, but still very much in charge.

He nudges Rabastan. “I forgot what you’re doing is a secret.” He says under his breath, although secrecy isn’t really needed with the masses being so loud in their cruelty.

Rabastan looks at him in confusion.

“Working with Greyback.” Sirius clarifies. “I forgot I wasn’t meant to know. Referenced it to the Dark Lord.”

Rabastan grunts. “Shouldn’t worry. Not like he doesn’t already know.” He gives a sinister grin. Sirius forces a laugh.

“Right. Just thought I’d let you know in case you get pulled up for it.”

“You can owe me a round.”

“Well. Thanks. Anything interesting happen here?”

“Nah. Usual. Still in the early stages if you want to take yours early.”

Sirius shakes his head. “Let them have their fun a little longer.”


	11. Lily: Never Did Anyone Any Harm

She leaves her own, silent, flat for Sirius’ early in the night. She wants to know what happened to Remus, and how they’re going to keep themselves hidden if he starts rescuing people.

They’re both in the sitting room. Sirius is scribbling something down; head down, hair a mess, and a streak of blood on his cheek. She drops her bags of takeout by Remus and goes to rub it off. Sirius won’t remember. He never does.

“I brought food.” She says cheerfully. Sirius looks up from his notes and grins at her.

“Thanks.” He looks around, then summons a box of noodles from the bag. Remus’ eyes track it watchfully.

Sirius turns to look at him, curiously. “You eating?”

Remus bares his teeth.

Lily laughs even though she knows it won’t help. What she shows doesn’t always match up with what she’s feeling anymore – like she’s been built wrong. She thinks Sirius is the same. Maybe Remus too. You don’t meet anyone normal in this job.

“He’s being genuine, Remus. He’s just stupid at being nice. Maybe if you release him Sirius, he’ll be nicer.”

Sirius grins at her. “He’ll just attack me again.”

“He’s wandless and hurt, idiot. And there’s two of us.”

Sirius rolls his eyes at her but flicks his wand at Remus.

Remus reacts slowly, stretching his arms out of their invisible boundary and warily standing up. He glares at Sirius but takes a carton of food from Lily.

“What happened to you?” He whispers to her, clearly trying to hide from Sirius, who has already picked up his quill again.

“Nothing.” Lily searches through her pile of food for the spring rolls and avoids meeting his eyes.

“You’re a death eater.”

Lily nods and tosses a fortune cookie to Sirius. He catches it without looking.

“Lily.” Remus hisses. “You’re a _death eater._ And a…” He shoots a glance at Sirius.

“He knows. We’re friends.”

“Like Snape?” Severus had never liked Remus; he’d even made noises about him being a werewolf before. She wondered how he felt to be right.

“No.” She replies, surprised by how vehemently it comes out. “Sirius isn’t a good death eater.”

“No such thing.” Remus snorts.

“She means I’m not good at it.” Sirius says, dropping his parchment and coming over to sit with them. “Which is just not true.”

Lily looks at him mockingly. “You don’t believe a thing they say.”

“Are you going to let me go?” Remus says shakily; he’s leaning – perhaps unconsciously – away from Sirius. She can’t help but find it funny; intellectually she understands that, as a prisoner, he’s vulnerable and has every right to be terrified but she’s seen Sirius when he’s acting threatening and its world’s away from this.

“I can’t.” Sirius looks apologetic but Remus doesn’t seem to be buying it. “If they see you out there, they’ll kill me. Either you stay here, or I send you back to them.”

“Is that a real choice?” Remus looks like he’d choose death.

“Nah,” Sirius smiles lazily, “Not really. If I send you back, he’ll think I can’t do what I said I could. I’d rather that not happen.”

“Why couldn’t you just let them kill me?”

“Who says they’d kill you?” Sirius smirks. Lily looks at him, askance.

“They killed the others.” Remus’ voice shakes. “I saw it, before you pulled me out.”

“McDonald’s still alive.” Sirius says in a painfully fake cheerful tone. “You think that what’s happening to her is the better option?”

“Why’s she still alive?” Lily interrupts. “You said she didn’t know anything useful.”

Sirius shrugs. “I didn’t ask. Someone might be spying, I suppose.”

“Can you find out? She was…” Lily trails off. She was never close to Mary; she didn’t know her in school, she certainly doesn’t know her now.

Sirius looks at her sadly. “Lil, I don’t want…” He sighs. “Yeah, I’ll see what I can find out.”

Lily isn’t sure if Sirius pities her or what but he always tries hard to give her what she asks for. Maybe it’s love.

Remus stands up suddenly. “You’re right.” He snaps at Sirius. “Death is the better option. So I pick death.” He moves to – do something, Lily supposes, she doesn’t want to think on it too hard.

Sirius snaps his wand out and brings Remus crashing down. “Don’t expect me to care more for your happiness than my own Lupin. I’m not going to torture you. That’s it.”

He waves his wand and a golden light winds its way around Remus’ leg.

“You can go anywhere in the house. You can’t go outside, and if you try to kill yourself you’ll regret it.”

“I’m not your pet!” Remus spits at Sirius. “You can’t –

Sirius stiffens and his hand curves into a fist; for a second Lily thinks he might hurt someone, but he doesn’t. “I’m going to bed. You can stay as long as you like Lily.”


	12. Remus: If At First You Don't Succeed

Remus hates his life. That’s a pretty constant theme for him; it’s one of the reasons it was so easy to join the order – how much worse could fighting for a good cause make things?

The answer, as it turns out, is complicated. Objectively, pretty bad. He botched a mission and got his team captured and now he’s pretty much a house pet to a rich boy thug.

On the other hand, his life is now much more comfortable. He doesn’t have to worry about making rent, or keeping his secret, or if he’s got enough food to eat.

His parents were dead and he’d never made any real friends – the only people who might miss him are the Order and that’s only because they’ll run out of people to recruit soon.

He still spends all his time trying to escape but he’s pretty sure that, less than two months in, he’s already got Stockholm Syndrome.

And, for as much as he feels like a pet, he’s fairly certain Black doesn’t think of it like that. Most days, he and Black don’t even interact. Sometimes Black will look in his head but over time even that intrusion gets easier. In fact, Remus is fairly certain that Black is trying to teach him to shield his mind.

Again, Stockholm Syndrome.

Yesterday, Black came home looking worse than Remus looked after the death eaters had been done with him; he fell asleep on the sofa, and Remus watched him and thought about killing him.

Instead he put a glass of water on the floor beside him and went to bed.

Today, Black has been acting odd. He’s sitting in Remus’ room while he does his work, which is unnecessary, because Remus can’t go anywhere and Black always gets too engrossed in his notes to pay attention anyway.

Remus is reading a book; an incredibly boring book of dark spells. Usually he tries not to label things as dark in haste, for obvious reasons, but this book is bound in human skin. He knows its human and not some animal, because he had asked.

Black said yes like it was nothing. Like he was surprised Remus had to ask. Or maybe he was just surprised that Remus would speak to him.

“Is Lily coming tonight?” Remus says casually. Black is always happier around Lily, and Lily looks much happier than she ever did at Hogwarts.

Black looks up, too quickly for Remus to believe that he had been working properly at all.

“No.” He still looks unwell. “But try and behave this evening. I don’t know who they’ll send.”

Remus drops the book. “What?”

Black looks around the room as though he’s the caged one here. “They’re testing me. I messed up somewhere. If I knew where, I could fix it but…” He shrugs expansively.

Remus stares in horror. “There’s a death eater coming here?”

“Another death eater.” Black murmurs reproachfully.

“Yeah, but like a real death eater.” Remus says flippantly. “Not like you or Lily, like the ones who were torturing us. The ones who killed Carline and Ed and Suse.”

Black smiles at him. “That’s very nice of you to say. Please don’t say anything similar later.”

“Way to miss the point.” Remus mutters sarcastically.

Black licks his lips. “Look. Do you. Do you still. FUCK.” He shouts, startling Remus into crawling backwards. “Regulus was right. I get attached too easily. Do you still want to die Lupin? Rather than staying here I mean?”

“Um. I. Yes?” He regrets not sounding more sure of himself. Not having courage in his conviction the way Dumbledore would want him too. Black doesn’t seem to have noticed.

“I figured you would.” Black deflates. “If I’ve failed whatever this test is, then they’ll take you away. I don’t know how useful you’ll be to anyone else but if you want I can kill you before they do.” He looks up at Remus, clearly battling something in his mind. But Remus gets it; this is the kindest thing he can do.

“I don’t know. No one’s going to try and rescue me, are they?”

Black shrugs again. “The only person in charge of the Order – at least as far as you and every other prisoner we’ve had has known – is Albus Dumbledore. He’s a talented occulmens and I have no reason to visit him. If I do get caught, I’d like it to be because of something other than utter stupidity.”

Despite himself, Remus laughs.

Black continues. “No one I’ve read recently knew anything of any rescue attempts.”

Remus spares a moment of disappointment in his comrades before he forces himself to forget it. “How should I act tonight?”

“Follow orders, be respectful.” He grimaces. “That’s what I do. If you want to acted tamed that’d probably go down well but I doubt they expect it. Remember that you’re unarmed.”

Remus thanks him. He doesn’t think any of that advice is particularly useful, and he doubts his own acting ability to pull off tamed.


	13. Lily: Try, Try Again

She’s screwed up. So much.

She’d been chatting with James and had mentioned off-hand that she wished she’d gone to Amgem’s and met him earlier.

Fine.

And that he and Sirius were the best friends she’d ever had.

Not fine.

It had dawned on Lily slower than James. She only realised when she saw it dawn on James.

And then she disapparated away. Like an idiot.

There was no excuse she could think of that would salvage that mistake.


	14. James: Besotted Pt. 3

So Lily and Sirius knew each other. That explained her reaction to his old school photo at least. But it didn’t solve anything else.

James didn’t know what to think. He knows Lily. And he knows Sirius.

He knows that Sirius isn’t a real death eater. But he doesn’t know if Lily knows that.

Maybe she doesn’t know that he’s any sort of death eater.

But then why wouldn’t she mention that she knew him?

But Lily can’t be a death eater.

She’s…

At least now he knows that Sirius is still alive.

There’s a snap of apparition outside his door followed by a quick knock on his door. He gets up to open it, even though it’s now as likely to be a real death eater as it is Lily.

But it is Lily outside, wearing a guilty smile and carrying flowers. He stands past to let her in and tries to think of something to say.

“I’m sorry.” Lily says as soon as he’s closed the door. She shoves the flowers at him; there’s still some dirt clinging to the stalks. The only thing he recognises is a single dandelion.

“I should have told you that I know Sirius.” Lily says before he can thank her. “I met him a few months ago and we hit it off.”

“Makes sense.” James murmurs, still looking at the flowers. No one’s ever brought him flowers before.

“Yeah, he’s great.” Lily smiles and James recognises it as the same smile he gets when he thinks about Sirius. “Anyway he mentioned you, just in passing, and it sounded like he missed you so I thought I’d track you down. As a surprise, you know?”

“Sure.”

“Anyway that failed completely.”

“What?” James laughs. “I’m right here.”

“Yeah.” Lily says ruefully. “But I didn’t find you. I really did get injured that day we met.”

“Yeah I know. I had to heal you.”

“Well that one wasn’t on purpose. Some of the other times…were.”

James grins at her. “You could’ve just asked me out.” Was he really doing this? Was he really not going to mention the huge, skull-tattooed erumpent in the room?

“There’s something else I should tell you. And I understand if you don’t want to see me again when I’m done.”

Was she _not_ going to ignore it?

“I kissed Sirius.”

“Oh.” Clearly not. “Me too.”

Lily raises her eyebrows.

“I mean, not recently, I haven’t seen him in months, he’s got a work thing. But I’ve kissed him before; it was hard not to.”

“That’s kind of how it was for me as well.” Lily smiles fondly. “He’d just finished talking about magic – you two learnt such different things to me, every time he talks about it I feel like I’m learning about this world for the first time all over again.”

Lily does that sometimes; litters little bits of her life in her sentences when she’s nervous. How can she be a death eater? Maybe James is wrong.

“So I kissed him.”

“Was it good?” James asks, not sure what she’s expecting.

“Yeah,” She says dreamily, “It’s always good.”

“Oh. So you’re still…?”

“I think I’m in love with him. And with you.”

James wasn’t sure what to say. He knew, objectively, what the response was for a boyfriend finding out that his girlfriend was cheating on him with his best friend.

It wasn’t what he was feeling.

“You said he had a work thing?” Lily says curiously.

James nods absent-mindedly, still thinking about Lily and Sirius kissing. “Yeah, I know his teammates were giving him a hard time, so he keeps taking on hard, dangerous jobs to impress them.” He rolls his eyes. “I wish he wouldn’t. I don’t know what he’s doing at the moment.”

He catches what he’s just said and winces. “Don’t worry. I’m not trying to dig for information, I’ve been lectured on that a lot. Whatever you know is private.”

He wonders if that will be enough for Lily to keep her secrets. He’d rather have part of her than none at all.

“James.” Lily says slowly. “Do you mind that I’m in love with you both?”

“I think I’m in love with you both too.” James says. He’s never considered it before, but it seems so obvious now. “Thank you for the flowers Lily.”


	15. Remus: If You Can't Beat Them

The evening takes forever to arrive, but it also sneaks up on Remus with great skill. Sirius abandoned his room some hours before, still looking queasy. Remus has gone back to his book. He’s learning quite a lot of magic that he’ll never use.

Thus, the knock on the door comes as a surprise to him. His stomach drops.

He daren’t leave the room so instead he holds himself as still as possible and presses his ear to the door. His hearing is sharper than the average human’s but not so much that it’s ever come in particularly useful. There’s still a week until the next full moon.

He hears Sirius open the door. Remus can’t hear what he says but he hears two sets of footsteps enter the house. He tries to calm down so that his heartbeat will stop covering up everything else. He’s terrified.

“Would you…” Sirius’ voice sounds nearer the stairs.

“I…see how...progresses.” Remus can barely hear the high voice, even as he hears them advance up the stairs.

Tame, Sirius had said. Tame.

Remus swallows as he backs away from the door. He shoves his book back into the bedside table drawer and looks around for anything else that could make him look independent.

The door opens.

Remus doesn’t recognise the first man through the door but he knows who he is. Who else could he be?

Lord Voldemort is in his room. His heartbeat catches up with his eyes and he’s pushing himself backwards, terrified, into the wall. A small smile creeps onto the – man’s? – face.

Sirius is next in, looking ashen; he clearly didn’t expect this. He doesn’t know what to do.

The third man the door almost swings shut on. Sirius clearly doesn’t think much of him as a threat. Remus disagrees. If anything, he’s more afraid of Fenrir Greyback than he is of Lord Voldemort.

The only good thing he can think of right now is that his death is almost certainly imminent. Werewolves and silver linings don’t tend to mix.

He shoots a horrified, pleading look at Sirius.

Voldemort puts a hand on Sirius’ shoulder as he speaks to him. To Remus’ eyes, Sirius doesn’t even try to hide how much he dislikes this.

“You failed me yesterday Sirius.” Voldemort says quietly. “That was a surprise. You’ve always done so well in the past.”

Sirius is silent. He is also, Remus notices, standing between him and Voldemort.

“I believed in you. Was I wrong to do so?”

“No master.” Sirius sounds scared. “I will –

“Cruico!” Voldemort says the hated curse quietly and without any discernible emotion; he may as well have been casting a levitation charm, or a summoning.

Sirius collapses but makes no sound. Tears leak from his eyes but he doesn’t scream. It’s horrifying.

The curse lifts.

“Rise.”

Sirius obeys the command.

“You possess such impressive control boy. You astound me, and do you know how rare that is?”

“I am honoured, master.” Sirius says, voice slightly cracked with pain.

“You are a good servant Sirius. One, I admit, of my favourites.” Voldemort runs a long fingered hand through Sirius’ hair and uses a finger to brush away the remains of his tears. “But do I ask too much of you?”

Now there’s a trap if ever Remus heard one.

“I hope not my lord. I dread the day I fail you.”

Voldemort chuckles lightly, “Such a clever boy. But you did fail me Sirius. Yesterday.”

Sirius shudders. “I know. I can only swear to do better. My lord.” Remus notices that he only adds the honorific after a pause and wonders if this is mere carelessness or something else.

“Very well.” Voldemort releases Sirius. Remus surprises himself by being relieved. He fears Sirius’ death as much as he fears his own. “Show me your pet then.”

Behind them, Greyback, previously uninterested in the conversation and leering at Remus, bares his teeth; recognising the insult.

Sirius gestures at Remus to come and, unsteadily, Remus obeys.


	16. Sirius: Join Them

He doesn’t know what to do. He hasn’t been steady since he opened the door to find Voldemort on the other side. He had deliberately not thought about which death eater would be arriving, so that he would not plan something dedicated to a personality that then wouldn’t exist. He had hoped, somewhat, for Bellatrix; who he knew he could manipulate, or Rodolphus; who inexplicably liked him.

He had never imagined Voldemort himself would turn up.

Since he walked in, Sirius had been operating through muscle memory and instinct alone. He’s floundering.

But it isn’t only his life at stake here. It’s Lupin’s, and Lily’s, and James’, and all of his irritating colleagues who he misses rather a lot more than he thought he would.

He has to stay calm.

As Lupin walks up behind him, frankly stinking of sweat, Sirius sends him a quick tripping jinx so that he’ll at least be in a reasonable position. He clearly wasn’t planning on taking Sirius’ advice.

Lupin trips ungracefully, face down on the carpet. Sirius rolls his eyes and grasps his robes to pull him up.

“Not quite obedient, is he?” Voldemort says coldly.

Sirius winces. “The pleasures of breaking someone down have never been my specialty, my lord. I never had to deal with servants who weren’t already finished and as you know, I prefer to deal with everyone without their being a part of it.”

“Of course.” He pats Sirius’ shoulder again. Sirius wishes, meanly, that he would turn his attentions to Lupin. “Quite understandable. Do you know who this is?”

He gestures at the man behind him.

Sirius takes him in properly for the first time. He doesn’t. He can’t read him – well he can, but he’d prefer to wait for permission, even if he could get it done in seconds and without Voldemort’s knowledge. But he has to try and stay in character.

“No, my lord.”

“Well. No reason that you should.”

He gestures imperiously at the stranger, who grins menacingly at Sirius. Sirius waits, as he’s fairly certain that there was a prompt to introduce himself somewhere in that gesture. Nothing happens though, so in inclines his head in greeting.

“Charmed.”

Voldemort gives Sirius a mockery of a commiserating look.

“As you can see, my own pet is not quite trained either. Rodolphus did not do a good job there. I had hoped you would do better but one dog is clearly already too many.”

“Ah – Greyback?” Sirius checks. “He’s not what I would have expected.”

“No?”

Sirius takes a moment to size the werewolf up. “Well he’s poorly dressed for one thing, and I’ve heard he styles himself as a leader of…men.” It’s delightfully easy to scorn this man and Sirius revels in the simplicity of his current task.

“It’s hard enough to respect someone who looks like a beggar let alone follow them. He also doesn’t have a wand so he certainly isn’t better than any other werewolf out there. And he’s, well, as you said my lord, poorly trained. Lupin is a disgrace certainly.” He takes a moment to stroke Lupin’s hair, if only to see the way Greyback hyper focusses on the movement. “But his most constant problem is an inability to remember how many legs he should be walking on, and how close to the floor his head. He doesn’t do this weak intimidation act or pretend that he’s my equal.”

Greyback, responding more to Sirius’ expression than his words, growls and lunges. Sirius sidesteps and moves to kick Lupin into his path but Greyback has already been halted by a spell. Sirius freezes and flushes in embarrassment.

“Thank you my lord.”

Voldemort gives him a thin smile. “All that and you forget you have a wand Sirius.” He fingers his own delicately. “And do you learn anything more if you go inside him?”

Sirius does a quick check but keeps most of his attention focussed on the real world.

“Not much my lord. His surface is all about the attack, and below that he wants Lupin and below that he’s…” Sirius trails off in wonderment. A sharp click of Voldemort’s fingers brings him back to reality. “Apologies my lord. He seems to be under the impression that he’s in an alliance with you.”

This is not what Sirius has just discovered in Greyback’s head. It is still true, however, and still ridiculous.

Voldemort nods. “Good. And yours? What is he thinking?”

Sirius doesn’t bother to find Lupin’s eyes. “I expect he’s hoping for something to do, master. Come on boy, up on the bed so we can look at you.”

He makes to force Lupin onto the bed but Lupin takes the initiative without prompting this time and pulls himself up. He doesn’t even move out of a crawling position.

When he’s settled on the bed Sirius takes a cursory look at his mind. Unsurprisingly it’s mostly focussed on how much he loathes Sirius. Sirius is pleased to note that this is keeping his mind off fear. He pets him approvingly, in much the same way Voldemort often does him.

“And you allow it free reign of this room?”

“I allow it free reign of the house.” Sirius corrects. “It makes it easier to put restrictions in place. If you cage something forever it won’t learn to value freedom.”

“We have different ways of doing things, it seems. Still, I will trust your judgement.”

“Thank you my lord.” Sirius bows again, and curses himself. He has to remember not to get to confident in anything – especially something he isn’t planning in succeeding in.

“And have you found anything interesting?”

Difficult question. He’d found a lot of interesting things to do with occlumancy and lycanthropy but very little that would interest the dark lord.

“I think I can swap his mind.”

“With…what exactly?”

Sirius pauses; he’d thought it was obvious. “With his mind. As a wolf. I haven’t tried yet because I want to try switching the wolf to human first.”

“You want to cure it?”

“I don’t want to get bitten if it goes wrong.”

“Would there not be a higher threat of that from the wolf? As it’s bite is the dangerous one.”

“The wolf likes me.” Sirius says cheerfully. “I already tested that.”

They’d had one full moon already; Lupin had tried to convince him to take him to a remote location or, if he must, back to the cells. Sirius had him transform in the bedroom, where he could watch and take notes.

His first action had been to imperius the wolf. One-track-minds were easy to control, and the wolf’s sole purpose was to kill and eat him. It had been easy from there to map out its mind and make it see him as a friend. And just a bit of a threat.

Otherwise he would have had to rely on being quicker than it.

“And this would be useful to me?”

“The wolf in the man would probably be more dangerous, and more willing to work but –

“More willing?”

“The man, Lupin or Greyback or whoever, no matter how integrated with the animal they are is still it’s jailer. I’d be giving it more freedom than just one night.”

“You think I’m going to offer them freedom?” Voldemort smirks. “You do sound more like you want to cure them than anything else.”

“Curing them would improve our world.” Sirius says. “And they’d be in your debt, and I’m nowhere near being able to do a permanent change.”

“What would you say if I took Lupin away with me tonight?”

“Err. I’d probably ask if I get to keep Greyback. Though I suppose I could probably hire someone for the experiments.”

Voldemort chuckles lightly. “I will not take him today but I shall return after the next full moon to see if you have produced anything useful. Will you escort me out?”

Sirius takes his hand off of Lupin’s neck, where it has been resting for both his sake and Sirius’ own, and follows Voldemort out of the room.

At the door he tells Sirius that he will send Rabastan along for Greyback shortly.

Sirius, who knows exactly how quickly Rabastan will respond to anything non-life-threatening, decides to go and lock Lupin in a different room so that he doesn’t have to hold his tongue in front of any other death eaters.


	17. Remus: If You Cannot Be Good

For the first time in his life Remus thinks about doing something evil.

They have left him in a room, alone, with a paralyzed Fenrir Greyback. Paralyzed, but still conscious; if Remus were to kill him he’d know exactly what was happening. The idea of it thrills him.

Sure, Black would get into trouble, but Remus doesn’t owe Black anything. That, at least, Black had just made clear.

And Greyback would be dead.

Certainly, murdering another person wouldn’t make up for the deaths he’d already caused but it would make the world a better place.

Dreamlike, he walks over to Greyback and places his hands around his throat. He doesn’t have a wand and he wants this to be physical, to be his and only his. He isn’t going to relinquish his prize to a pillow or similar.

But his anger makes his hands shakier instead of stronger, and Greyback has a very thick neck, and between these two factors Remus’ efforts are thwarted, and Black returns in time to pull him away.

Remus struggles a little in his grip, fruitlessly. How dare Black stop him? How dare Black think that this is anything other than Remus’ due?

How dare Black act like a person for so long that Remus was hurt by him?

Black deposits him by the bed with a distasteful look and goes to move Greyback to safety. He says nothing to Remus and locks the door behind him.

Remus snarls at the empty air but it makes no difference. Just like every other hurt in his life this is his own fault. His own stupid, sentimental, hopeful self.


	18. Lily: Be Careful

Whatever this whole seduction lark had been about Lily thinks it’s safe to say she’s failed. She hasn’t been back home or to a meeting in almost a week. She hasn’t seen Sirius in twice that.

He hadn’t sought her out either, and Regulus had let her know that he was very busy and she mustn’t take it personally.

She hadn’t. She’d taken it as an excuse to fall more in love with James.

Lily still wasn’t sure whether or not James knew that Sirius was a death eater. She thinks he does but she doesn’t dare ask. Sometimes they skate close to the subject and she could swear the world around them freezes to listen in.

But she’s meant to be bringing James into the fold. And she can’t do that.

Not only does the thought of James as a death eater make her nauseous, but she doesn’t think anything she could say would make him go along with it. Not love for her, or love for Sirius.

James is better than either of them. He just is.

She wants to talk things over with someone. There’s only so much therapy you can get out of a talking mirror.

But there isn’t anyone she _can_ talk to. The best person she can think of is Remus and not only would that not gel well with her avoiding Sirius plan but she knows better than to give him leverage over them.

She knows who she wants to talk to…but if she breaks now what will have been the point in it all?


	19. Petunia: The Lights are On

Petunia doesn’t think about Lily very often these days. She has enough on her mind with raising Dudley and keeping home for Vernon. She wasn’t even sure if Vernon knew she had a sister.

No…she must have told him. She’d invited her to the wedding. But Lily hadn’t come. And none of Petunia’s friends had ever met Lily either. For all anyone knew the girl could have been a product of her imagination.

That made more sense than the truth, if you wanted Petunia’s opinion.

But Petunia wasn’t the mad one of the two of them. That would be Lily, the girl who thought that tap-dancing fruit and flying appliances were normal. Lily who thought magic meant more than family.

Lily, who made her look stupid at her own wedding by leaving the maid of honour spot empty.

Lily, who probably doesn’t even know she has a nephew.

Petunia sniffs a little and carefully wipes away her tears before they can ruin her make-up. Of all the silly things to get upset about. And today of all days.

Vernon had had to go to work but that was alright because Dudley was far too little to remember that his daddy was missing his second birthday.

And they were going to have a good day anyway. Petunia hadn’t quite decided what to do yet but a queasy feeling in her stomach that she couldn’t quite ignore was telling her to stay close to home.

There was a park nearby that he could play in and there was a river that they could go to to feed the ducks. Did little boys like ducks?

Lily had always liked feeding the ducks. Well – always until Snape started making her spend every second with him and even then when Petunia had gone down to the lake she’d been accused of spying on them! As if she would. As if it counted as spying when it was her little sister.

And when they were done with the park and the ducks they could come back home and read a few stories or play with some of Dudley’s new toys.

And she could leave him in front of the television while – while she cooked. Except she doesn’t like to leave him alone at all, not ever, so maybe just this once, even though she knows that Vernon won’t like his son being in the kitchen for anything other than eating, she’ll put Dudley in his chair while she bakes his cake.

Yes. That would work. They’d have a lot of fun together.

“Won’t we Sweetums?” She strokes her son’s thin hair and smiles.

The doorbell rings. Her smile falls and she purses her lips in dismay. She wasn’t expecting visitors or mail, so why would anyone be coming round? Didn’t they know that today was special?

She makes sure that Dudley is secure in his chair before she goes. It will be alright to let him alone for just a few seconds won’t it?

Before opening the door Petunia steels herself and puts on her most disapproving look just so that whoever this is won’t make any mistakes about being welcome.

But when she opens the door all thoughts of disapproval leave her mind. All thoughts of ducks and parties and even, for the first time since finding out she was pregnant, of Dudley, went clear away. Just like that.

She has enough poise not to gape at her sister standing there bold as anything as though she were just popping round for a chat like she did so every week (four years and counting). Lily. Lily was here.

Lily.

She looks quite a bit older and more mature than she had at eighteen. Just off of her train and looking quite shocked to see her older sister waiting for her. As though she’d thought Petunia would just abandon her.

But Lily had brushed Petunia off when she’d offered to take her trunk to her car. She’d said she already had a place to live and that Petunia could do whatever she wanted to Mummy and Daddy’s house.

She’d walked away like they were strangers.

Petunia replays that last day over in her mind as she stares at her sister. After a moment she brings back her cold mask of disdain. That was all Lily was getting from her now. That was all that she deserved.

Despite this, Petunia does step back and silently invite Lily inside. It wouldn’t do for the whole street to watch them.

Lily doesn’t look otherworldly or inhuman or even out of place standing in the Dursley hallway. Petunia thinks that she should look a stranger but apparently sisterhood was stronger than she’d thought.

The Evans sisters had never looked much alike. Nonetheless Petunia can see her own fear and arrogance in Lily’s features. Two parts of her that she had always tried to suppress.

With a greater effort than she would have liked Petunia tears her eyes away from her prodigal sister and walks stiffly back into the kitchen.


	20. Lily: But Nobody Is Home

Petunia’s house is – ok it’s exactly what she would have expected. But it isn’t what she wants. The house and garden are perfectly neat, just as Tuney would want it, but it has none of the quiet flair that Lily knows her big sister is capable of.

She might even have said something along those lines – and almost certainly started a fight – if she hadn’t seen the baby.

He’s soft and pudgy and perfectly Petunia’s. Tears prickle at Lily’s eyes as she reaches a tentative hand out to the boy. Before she can touch him though, she shoots a look at Tuney for permission.

Petunia doesn’t meet her eyes – but not out of anger or mistrust, instead because she only has eyes for her son.

Lily strokes the boy’s hair lightly. He’s so small. So innocent.

She should never have come here. She pulls her hand back as though it’s poisonous, as though she’ll hurt him.

“I’ve done something really stupid Tuney.” She hugs her empty arms to herself and tries not to cry; she doesn’t want Petunia to think she’s trying to manipulate her.

“It’s Dudley’s birthday and we’re going to the park.” Petunia answers stiffly. “You can come along and tell me about it if you want.”

“NO!” Lily shouts. “Don’t go outside. It’s dangerous outside Petunia – they’ll hurt you – they’ll –

“Don’t shout.” Petunia snaps, the harshness of her voice dragging Lily back to reality. “You’ll frighten Dudley.”

“They’ll hurt you.” Lily sobs. They’ll kill you and it will be all my fault for coming back here.

“Come and sit down Lily.” Petunia guides her into another perfectly kept room and onto a stiff sofa. When she leaves again Lily tries to grab an arm or a leg to keep her safe in the room where she can protect her. “I’m just fetching Dudley, Lily, just stay there.”

Lily feels shaking and cold as soon as Petunia has gone. She knows she needs to leave. She needs to get as far away from here as possible. She has to keep Petunia safe. Petunia and little Dudley.

She’s far too old to need her big sister anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop this one's a bit late out - I'm having computer trouble so that might be the way for a while. in the mean time please tell me what you like or dislike about this fic and if anyone knows how I can get microsoft word for cheap please lmk. or a different but compatible app, I really don't want to have to copy adn paste everything over


	21. Sirius: The Good

Lupin hadn’t spoken to him since Voldemort’s visit. He hadn’t seen Lily in that time either. Obviously he couldn’t talk to James.

It was unfair, he thinks, that he’d been at this for so long with allies only for them all to desert him just when he had stopped waiting for the shoe to drop.

The full moon had been yesterday.

Sirius doesn’t think he’d found anything _useful_. He wants to kill Lupin, the way he’d promised he would, but he knows he can’t.

He knows that failing to do anything with Lupin won’t get him hurt too badly – not even as badly as Rodolphus was when he failed with Greyback, as unlike Rodolphus this is not Sirius’ main project for Voldemort.

If only he wasn’t failing so badly at that one as well.

He wants to talk to someone about everything that’s going on. But he has no one left to talk to.

Well.

Not entirely true. It’s an unfortunate way to end a career but he does have useful information and he will be more use to the aurors alive than he will dead.

But first he has to warn Lily. And Regulus, if he can only work out how.

He doesn’t lock up when he leaves. If Remus wants to leave, he can.

Hoping against hope that Lily isn’t at the main meeting house – because he definitely isn’t going anywhere near it today – he apparates to the first of many death eater hangouts to look for her.

After spending all day in seedy bars and ever seedier ‘gentleman’s clubs’ Sirius finally gives up on this. It’s dark now, and he’s running out of time.

He apparates out again, this time landing outside York Cathedral. This isn’t anywhere to do with the war, it’s just a place Lily visited once and recommended to Sirius. He swipes his hand across his eyes in frustration.

Maybe Lily will be fine if he leaves without seeing her. She survived as a death eater for a long time before they met and at least he’ll be leaving her with better occlumancy skills than she had then. She didn’t need him the way he needed her – she’d been making this whole thing tolerable and even fun, she’d been keeping him from feeling like a monster, she’d been –

He was so in love with her.

What he wouldn’t give for a little extra time.

He apparates home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> downloaded libre office, so we're good now


	22. Remus: Die Young

Remus finds the front door unlocked. It’s obviously a trap.

It must be a trap.

He feels sick standing in the hallway, and instead retreats to the kitchen to catch his breath.

He hadn’t spoken to Black since Voldemort’s visit but he would’ve had to be blind and foolish to have missed how diminished his jailer had become.

Until now he’d been holding vague illusions of using Black’s state to escape but now that the moment has appeared he knows that he was never going to take it. He was going to die in this house and it would be as much his fault as Black’s.

Just as he’s arrived at this unpleasant realisation he hears the door open. He puts the kettle on and wonders if Black will ignore him if he makes him a cup.

Black stares at him in disbelief when he finds him.

“You didn’t leave.”

“So it was a trap.” Remus says triumphantly, although he isn’t certain if this outcome doesn’t mean Black has won as well.

Black shakes his head. “No. You should have left. Actually –

He breaks off. Remus gets the impression that he’s doing a lot of thinking.

“Ok.” Black breathes out steadily. “Ok.”

There’s a knock on the door. It startles both of them but Black moreso than Remus; he looks as though he’s just heard his death knoll.

It hits Remus why just as the kitchen door swings shut behind him. Voldemort had said he’d return after the full moon. _You should have left._ Shit.


	23. Regulus: Give the Devil

Regulus doesn’t expect Sirius to look quite so relieved to see him. As for him well, he can’t quite afford to be relieved just yet but he knows his brother will help him.

Whatever game he’s playing here Sirius has always been loyal to the point of foolishness.

“Please help me.” He begs, no time for pleasantries or pretence. He’s so scared.

Sirius steps aside mutely.

“Come through to the,” He pauses and takes a longer look at Regulus. “Did I give you this address?”

“I had to beg it off of Evans.” Regulus mumbles. “She’s alright y’know, for a mud-” He stops himself. Insulting Sirius’ girlfriend probably isn’t a good way to get started.

“You’ve seen Lily?” Sirius snaps. “Where is she?”

Regulus licks his lips. He hopes his brother loves him even half as much as he does Evans. Sirius will help me, he reminds himself. Sirius always helps me.

“Reg?” Sirius’ voice comes, impossibly soft. “Regis? Are you alright?”

“I just left her. I can go and get her if you want.” Evans is a mudblood. She can’t possibly be a proper Death Eater, and maybe if Sirius by some mistake _is_ , maybe he’ll love her enough to help him.

Sirius looks at him silently, clearly torn. “I need to talk to her.” He says finally. “Apparate right back here, alright? Don’t get hurt.”

Regulus goes. Sirius had sounded like he hated sending Regulus back out – was that because he didn’t trust him with Evans’ safety or his own?

Well he’s right with either one, Regulus thinks, looking around for Evans. He hadn’t even been able to take care of a house elf.

He sees her chatting with Snape. Or arguing, if Snape’s expression is anything to go by.

“Evans.” He snaps as soon as he’s close enough. Act calm. Don’t do anything suspicious. Survive at least until you’ve told Sirius everything. Sirius will help you.

“Oh – Regulus!” She says, spinning around to face him, her voice a little too high-pitched to be as calm as she looks. “It’s good to see you again.” She squints a little, as if asking why he’s back so soon.

“I need you to come with me.” He says brusquely. “I’ve got a job for you.” He’s higher ranking than Snape, right? Snape won’t mention this to anyone.

He grabs Evans’ arm before he can drive himself mad thinking about it and apparates them both back into Sirius’ hallway.

She recognises it quickly and shakes her head at him. “I can’t be here, I’m sorry –

“Lily.” Sirius sounds heartbroken. “Please, I need to speak with you. You can go soon I promise.”

Evans looks back at him like he’s hit her with a curse. _Can’t be here_. Right. If the situation wasn’t so dire he’d laugh at them.

“Sirius.” He says loudly. “I really need your help.”

Sirius finally tears his eyes away from Evans. “This is such a bad time Regis, like you wouldn’t believe.” He shakes his head but Regulus sees the fondness in his face and relaxes. “Come through – no let’s go upstairs. LUPIN!” He shouts through a closed doorway.

An unfamiliar man sticks his head through. “Err.”

“Come upstairs with us.” Sirius grabs the man’s wrist and tugs him along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As mentioned in a comment last week this isn't planned as a series but rather there will be oneshots set in the same universe following it, so if anyone has any scenes they'd like to see tell me and I'll do my best to follow through. I've only finished one so far and it's a bit less serious?~ ehh you'll see what I mean when it's up. It's kinda obvious. Cheers!


	24. Sirius: His Due

This is good. Things are under control. Everyone is here now.

(Everyone except James, Sirius thinks sadly, and James was always so much better than Sirius.)

Lily leads them into Sirius’ bedroom where everyone stands in uncomfortable silence. Sirius thinks that he should probably be the one to break it.

“I’m going to go back to the aurors.” Might as well get it out there, right?

He looks at them all in turn. Lily’s eyes have widened. Lupin looks scared, or possibly disbelieving. Regulus looks – relieved?

“I had a job to do and I’ve failed. If I stay here, then they’ll kill me.” He licks his lips nervously, and tries to work out who to talk to first.”

“Failed how?” Lupin says croakily. “You mean with me?”

Sirius shakes his head. “No it’s something else. You need to run though. I’ll make you a portkey.” Lupin is at the bottom of his priorities at the moment but he’s also easier to deal with than Lily or Regulus.

“I could come to the aurors with you.”

“If you want to sure, but you don’t know anything that I don’t and I’m not taking you. If you’re here when he gets here, he’ll kill you.”

Sirius stares at Lupin, begging him to understand and take the out.

“Who else is coming over?” Regulus asks.

“Voldemort.” Sirius says stiffly, sinking onto his bed in despair.

“What!?” Lily and Regulus say in unison, making him look up at them. Regulus looks like he might start hyperventilating but Lily mostly just looks confused.

“You’re getting house calls now?” She asks.

“I love you, you know that?” Sirius says in lieu of a proper explanation. He can feel tears gathering. “I don’t suppose you’d come with me? Leave now and meet up later? They all know that we’re together and you’re such an easy target Lily, they’ll destroy you if you stay.”

She stares at him, unmoving. Maybe she hates him.

“If you’re going to leave why haven’t you gone yet?” She asks slowly.

“I don’t have anything good. I was meant to be here longer; I was meant to be useful.” He closes his eyes to avoid looking at them. “So I’m going to try and get into his head one last time. It won’t matter if he knows I’m there or not this time.”

“He’ll kill you.” She breathes.

“I won’t stick around to duel him Lily. I’ll go as soon as it gets dangerous. I’m more use to them alive.”

He doesn’t really believe that. The information he has isn’t worth that much, and it’ll be worth even less once they know he’s a traitor. At least if he was planning to die he could do it at a meeting and probably take a few of them with him.

“Sirius he’ll kill you.” She sounds horrified, and closer than before. He opens his eyes to find her kneeling in front of him. “He’ll destroy you.”

“So you’ll run?” He begs her. “Please run.”

A noise interrupts them. Regulus clearing his throat. They look back at the others. Sirius is a little amused to see that Regulus is blushing.

“I might – no.” Regulus stops and starts again in a much stronger voice. “I can help. I have information that can help. And He doesn’t know that I know. Well He knows that I know but not how much I know. I mean He doesn’t know that I know what it is and…”

He stops rambling and takes another deep breath. Sirius feels a flicker of hope.

“Wait. Tell us later; we need to get out of here.”

“James.” Lily says. “James will help us.”

Us. It’s us now. They’re a team. Lupin doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere either.

“Ok.” Sirius stands up. “Lily you take Remus. I’ll take Regulus.” He looks at his brother, who takes his arm with a smile.

Sirius waits until Lily has apparated away before he casts a quick burning spell. He’s never coming back here.

When they arrive outside James’ flat Lily is introducing him to Lupin. James looks politely baffled.

Sirius’ heart bursts. He’s missed him so much.

Regulus pulls him towards them.

Their footsteps make the others turn in their direction. James looks up and gives a bright, brilliant smile to Sirius.

Seriously. _So much._


	25. James: Besotted Pt. 4

He has maybe half – no a quarter – of an idea as to what’s going on. He’s pleased to see everyone; well he’s pleased to see Lily and Sirius, and he supposes that Sirius’ little brother isn’t entirely unwelcome. And Lily seems to know the stranger even if the stranger seems most comfortable with Sirius, and any friend of theirs is a friend of his, so he supposes he’s pleased to see them all.

Mostly he’s pleased to find that he’s holding hands with both Lily _and_ Sirius and as such is feeling as though he’s pulled off something amazing.

He wonders if he should say something. His mum would already have gotten everyone a drink. Maybe food as well. New clothes for the stranger, it looked like he was wearing rags…

“So.” Regulus interrupts his musings. “What do all of you know about horcruxes?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't notice it was Monday until it was Tuesday (3am, can't sleep because of a headache), so go me, here's the last chapter. First mini will be up next Monday, others will vary on account of not being finished yet. Any ideas you'd like to see are very welcome.


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